


Blossoming Beside the Erica

by Tezzieh



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, kuroshitsuji: the most beautiful death in the world (2010)
Genre: Alan being a smol angry bean, Eric apologizing too much, Eric being a big softy, M/M, Pining, angst over Alan's impending death, hinted Will/Grell, lots of pining, police station au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 18:27:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezzieh/pseuds/Tezzieh
Summary: Police AU.Erica means loneliness in the language of flowers. But the Scotsman is everything but lonely.They have shared an apartment ever since they graduated from the police academy together. They shared a dorm before that.Eric is three years older than Alan, but threw a few years away on carpeting, which he couldn’t make heads or tails from after a while. They started Police academy the same year and always stuck together.Their love is skinny





	Blossoming Beside the Erica

Eric isn’t his usual calm self. It is striking. He keeps flicking his eyes over to the big clock above the office door. “Slingby, what is the matter?” William T Spears barks. Eric looks up from his paperwork. He heaves a slow groan. “Nothin’...” He rumbles. He doesn’t expect William to actually buy it, but he couldn’t really care less.   
Ronald Knox stands up in his cubicle. “Eric-senpai, don’t lie! You are antsy because Alan-senpai isn’t here!” He yells, noisily. “Knox, sit down and be quiet!” William screams at him. Eric can’t bite away a snigger. It always amuses him when William yells at someone else. Not that Eric often is on the receiving end of the Sheriff's notoriously short temper. He know how to stay out of the danger zone by now. “Eric-senpai, don’t laugh at me!” Ronald complains.  
“I do want to know what is going on with you, Slingby.” William says strictly. Eric groans darkly. He doesn’t fancy talking about his personal feelings with his colleagues. Save of course for Alan, but Alan … Alan is so much more to him. “Do I need to ask nicely?” William asks. “Oh gods no, I don’t need to hear you struggle on the world please.” Eric shakes his head. He turns back to his paperwork. Ronald starts laughing loudly. “Focus on your work Ronnie.” Eric chides in a friendly manner.  
He spots a vein above Will’s temple, popping dangerously. Eric judges it is better to just answer the damn question, before Will has a fucking aneurysm. “Alan is sick again.” He heaves a sigh. Will looks up at him. “Do you need the day off to take care of him?” He asks. That surprises Eric a little. “Are you serious?” He gets up from his chair. “You can’t really leave Humphries alone all day, can you?” Will frowns at him. “He sleeps most of the day anyway. Alan is 27, he isn’t an imbecile.” Eric says. “But he is sick. Go home and take care of him.” Will says strictly.

So Eric clears his desk and goes home.

When he comes home, Alan is banging around the kitchen. “What are you doing out of bed!” Eric yells, rather alarmed. “I can’t find my jasmin tea.” Alan all but whines. He turns to the taller male. “Did you put it on the top shelf again.” He asks sharply. “Alan, I would never put you tea on the top shelf.” Eric says. “I want my tea.” Alan whines. His cheeks are bright and he looks close to tears.   
Eric puts his hand on Alan’s forehead. The smaller man is running a fever. “I’ll get you your tea, you need to go back to bed.” He says. “I don’t want to.” Alan whines. Without any doubt Eric picks Alan up from the floor. Alan yelps indignantly, but Eric ignores it. “You are going to back to bed, you have a fever.” Eric brings Alan to his bedroom.  
“I am 27, not a child!” Alan complains when Eric tucks him in. “You are a stubborn little shit. I am going to the store for your fucking tea. Stay put.” Eric says. Alan turns onto his side, away from Eric. Eric rolls his eyes and leaves for the store. 

Once he comes back, Alan is vast asleep. Eric makes him his tea anyway. Rather that than have Alan out of bed again to do it himself. He puts the tea down on Alan’s nightstand. He sits in the chair by Alan’s bed. He has no idea what to do. He guesses he’ll just twiddle his thumbs. He’ll just have to wait until Alan wakes up. 

When Alan wakes up, his tea is cold. And Eric has nodded off in his chair. He is snoring softly. Alan gets up from his bed and grabs his mug. He tiptoes to the bathroom to throw the cold tea down the sink. Eric wakes up though and rises to follow him. “Alan, you are sick, you should be in bed, recovering.” He all but thunders. Alan turns to him, his eyes pinched to slits. “I am chronically ill, not handicapped! I can take care of myself.” The smaller Shinigami hisses. “I am not saying you are handicapped Alan, I just want you to get a bit better so you can get back to work. That ain’t happening at this rate.” Eric’s voice is considerably softer. “Coddling me is not going to help.” Alan argues pointedly. Eric heaves a soft sigh and takes off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.   
“I am not tryna coddle you Alan. I want you to take it easy and … Alan I wana take care of ya. Will even gave me the day of fer it.” The Scotsman sighs. Alan frowns, his green eyes unreadable as ever. “Will gave you the day off?” He asked. Eric nods calmly. There is no reason for him to lie. “Will just let you go?” Alan seems nonplussed. “I probably annoyed him.” Eric shrugs. Alan tsks and thrusts his mug at Eric. “You always annoy him, now seeing how you won’t allow me any coffee, make me tea.” The smaller man’s voice is sharp. “Aye aye, go to bed, I’ll be right up.” Eric takes the mug and heads back down to the kitchen. 

He worried for Alan. The illness is terminal, Alan’s not going to get better. There will be good and there will be bad days, that is their life. Eric is lucky he is such a go with the flow guy. May others would have given up if they were in his place. But Eric is determined to take care of Alan and make his every day a good day, no matter how his health is. Because Eric loves Alan more than words may express.   
Alan loves Eric more than words allow him to say too. But he knows his days can’t last forever and he doesn’t want to trap Eric in something that will only end in hurt and grief. Needless to say they are the worst. The pining, the longing glances. The entire county knows about it and they all are annoyed when another year goes by of those two ot being a thing. 

Eric comes back up, with fresh, warm tea. Alan is in his bed, propped up with half a dozen pillow in his back. He has his glasses on, so he is likely not planning to sleep. “Can you grab me a book?” He asks. “Which one?” Eric doesn’t feel like running back of forth between the shelf and the bed. “Just grab whatever.” Alan shrugs his skinny shoulders. “Very well, but no complaining about what I get ya.” Eric grabs Alan a big fairytale book and plops it down on his knees. Alan voices no complaint and starts to read. Eric puts down the mug of tea.   
“Call me if you need me, I am just a room over.” He leans down to kiss Alan on the forehead. He hasn’t done that in a while. It’s also been a while since Alan has had an attack of his disease. It was going so well the past months. Alan flusters a little. Eric leaves for his own room.

Twenty minutes later he hears Alan’s slightly hoarse voice call out for him. He’s been coughing, Eric can hear that too. But Alan got very good at masking his coughing fits. Eric gets up at once. He walks into Alan’s room. Alan is red in the face from his coughing fit. “Water, please and honey.” Alan rasps. “Of course, honey.” Eric winks and trods down to the kitchen to get Alan a big glass of water and a spoon full of honey. He can hear Alan trying to stifle another coughing fit.  
He comes back up as quick as he can. “Oh Alan, how I wish I could help you.” He puts the tall glass of water down and sits on the edge of Alan’s bed. Alan makes no reply. He only opens his mouth like a baby bird. Eric feeds him the honey from the spoon. Alan quietly submits to it.   
Eric stays put on the side of Alan’s bed, softly humming some song he’d heard on the radio. Alan heaves a sigh and leans his forehead against Eric’s shoulder. Eric sits unmoving, feeling how Alan’s feverish warmth slowly seeps into his clothes. He worries, Alan’s running quite a high fever.  
He gets up and Alan startles a little. “Where are you going?” Alan asks meekly. “Just gettin a wet washcloth. Yer burnin up.” Eric looks down on Alan. The pity in his eyes makes Alan ashamed of being vulnerable and angry for not being able to do more for himself. He doesn’t want Eric to have to look at him like that. He doesn’t want to be pitied!   
He doesn’t get the chance to voice it to Eric. The Scotsman leaps from his bedroom, taking only three strides to be out of the door. Alan is left wallowing in alltogether much feelings. Frustration and admiration are the main tones, though. And of course he fully blames Eric. He doesn’t want Eric to spend so much time fussing over him, but at the same time he wants to absorb Eric’s attention like a bloody sponge. And he is a little bit ashamed of what he feels. 

Eric stands in the doorway for a while, just looking at the brunette. Alan is not aware, he’s reading. There is a strictness in Alan’s face, the strictness of the brunette carefully schooling his own features into what he doubtlessly thinks is a blank gaze at his book. Only his green eyes move. He turns a page.   
Eric walks over to the bed. “Alan...” He says softly. Alan looks up from his book. “Eric?” Alan asks, his voice feeble, vulnerable. Eric’s heart almost audibly breaks for his friend. He just wants to shelter Alan from the world in the cradle of his arms. Five ever!!!   
Eric sits down on the edge of the bed again, pressing the wet washcloth against Alan’s forehead. There is a soft whine from Alan’s lips. “I wish I could help ya.” Eric whispers, because he has no idea how else to comfort his friend. Alan cringes a little. “You’re helping me plenty.” Is all the brunette manages. “But it is not enough Alan.” Eric says. “Yes it is! Don’t stop living your life because I am sick!” The high word is out. Eric shakes his head. “I am living my life. My life simply happens to include you. You matter to me Alan, I want to make you happy.” Eric peers down on his friend, afraid he’ll have another knitfit.   
But Alan is silent. “A-alan..” Eric mumbles, feeling rather insecure rather suddenly. “But Eric, I need you to be happy too!” Alan then all but shouts. “Alan… Any moment with you is happy, Yes I worry my head off when you are sick, but being away from you is actually worse.” Eric says.

Alan flings the wet washcloth across the room and throw himself into Eric’s arms. Eric embraces him gently. “Please cuddle with me.” Alan whispers. “Of course.” Eric says softly. He shrugs out of his jacket and wriggles out of his jeans. He takes off his glasses and crawls under the sheets with Alan. Alan puts away his book and takes his glasses off as well. The brunette cuddles into the taller male, nosing at the other’s broad chest. Eric put his arms around Alan’s slender form and heaved a content sigh.   
“Are you happy, Eric?” Alan asks hoarsely. Eric wants to answer, but Alan has another coughing fit. This time he can’t stifle it. He is right in Eric’s arms. Eric knows it anyway. Eric tries to back away to give Alan some space to breath, but Alan refuses to let him go. His hands cling in Eric’s shirt, while he absolutely coughs his lungs out. Eric sits up and grabs the glass of water. He feels utterly useless. He wants so badly to help Alan, but knows there is nothing he can do.   
Eric gently strokes through Alan’s hair and slowly Alan calm down. His breath comes in wheezing pants. Eric’s heart hurts for his friend. But he knows that if he voices it, Alan will only think he’s going to coddle him again and that will become a fight. Eric doesn’t want to fight. Why would he want to upset his sweet little Alan. His tender and frail love. His fierce and passionate brunette. The one who holds his heart in the palm of his hand. The one he so adores.

Alan falls asleep. He’s nuzzled against Eric’s broad chest, with his hands curled in Eric’s shirt. Eric holds Alan close and humms softly. “I love you.” He whispers softly. He only says that when Alan is asleep, for fear Alan will get angry.   
“I love you too.” Alan mumbles in reply. Eric is pretty sure his hearts skips several beats and then attempts to race out of his chest. “Sssh, you should sleep.” Eric says softly. Alan huffs loudly but presses deeply into Eric’s embrace. Eric presses a kiss on top of Alan’s head.   
Both drift off to their own dreams. Even in his sleep, Alan is plagued by coughing fits.

They both sleep until morning.

 

Alan says he feels better and he gets up together with Eric. They take turns in the shower and have breakfast together. Alan is right back to a cup of coffee Eric dubs ‘hell juice’ so it seems he feels better.  
Eric drives them to the station. Alan takes his seat behind the front desk at once, as if he wants to make up for lost time. Eric walks into the office to retrieve the key of surveilance car. It his turn to drive the rounds through the streets today. “Have a nice day Eric.” Grell teases. 

Eric heads for the station door. “Wait one moment!” Alan calls after him. “Sorry, no time for that!” Eric hollers. The door closes behind him and he gets into the car. Alan stares forlornly out of the window when he drives by. 

Alan can’t focus on his computer work. It is just answering emails and filing stolen bikes and what not. But his mind is stuck on one thing. Eric told him ‘I love you’ last night and it won’t let him go. Alan is sure Eric means it. Like, really means it. In the romantic way. And Alan can’t have that. He can’t tie Eric down like that.   
And it is not like Alan doesn’t love Eric back either. Because god does Alan love Eric. If he wasn’t ill, Alan would have likely already given Eric the chance the older male’s subtly been fishing for ever since police academy. But he can’t. Eric should find someone to grow old with. Alan knows he won’t live to be old. And he doesn’t want to leave Eric to mourn him the rest of his life. As badly as he wants to be with Eric, he knows it can’t be. Eric should have better than a sickly boyfriend that will die anyway. It isn’t meant to be.  
“Alan-senpai, what is the matter?” Ronald asks. Alan startles. “Nothing, go back to work!” He all but barks. “But senpai, it is breaktime...” The poor Ronald mumbles. He backs off slowly. Everyone in the station knows not to mess with Alan when he is pissy. “Bring me some espresso.” Alan tells Ronald. “Yes senpai.” Ron doesn’t doesn’t dare tell him no.   
“Alan-senpai, why aren’t you and Eric-senpai dating?” Ronald puts the cup of concentrated hell juice down on Alan’s desk. Alan looks up at him with a look that should only be allowed with a weapon permit. Ronald shrinks back a little bit. “Eric and I are nothing but friends, Knox.” Alan hisses. “But Eric-senpai is in love with you!” Ronald all but yells. “Shouldn’t you go stuff your face with whatever type of cookie Eric so graciously provided us with.” Alan grumbles. Ronald is wise enough to leave the older officer alone.

Alan is left alone until Eric comes back from surveillance to take his lunch. Alan gets up to join him in the lunchroom at once. Eric waits for him in the doorway. “How’s your day going?” He asks. Alan shrugs. “Ronald is being a bother.” Is his answer. “Ronnie, be nice.” Eric scolds the junior officer. “I was only saying him the truth.” Ronald complains around his likely so maniest cookie. “Those are for sharing, kiddo.” Eric takes the cookie jar and places it on the high shelf. The shelf only he and Will can reach. Ronald whines and makes gargling noises with his coffee. “Stop being such a child.” Alan all but sneers. “Oi, be nice.” Eric scolds his best friend.  
Alan gives Eric a bit of an insulted look and gets his lunch from the fridge. Eric rolls his eyes and grabs his own food. Grell and Will also enter the break room, bickering loudly. “So, when’s the wedding?” Eric asks calmly. It startles the both of them. “What do you mean Slingby?” Will asks, rather irked. “You two bicker like a married couple, might as well get it over with.” Eric sits down and takes a big bite of his sandwich. Will flusters a pale pink. But Grell grins wickedly. “You should propose to me, Will. I’ll pick a dress.” He says happily. It makes Eric, Alan and Ronald snigger. 

Lunch is lunch as usual, everyone talking simultaneously between each bite. Alan feels like he will love his mind soon.

Eric leaves again, before Alan can get him in private. It seems to Alan like Eric is avoiding him. Truth be told, Alan would avoid Eric too, had it not been for his desire to verify. 

The day drags on and on, until Othello and the rest of the night shift pours in. Eric returns with the surveillance car and comes in only to clock out. Alan starts to worry now.

“What is wrong with you?” He all but shouts during the drive home. “How do you mean?” Eric doesn’t take his eyes off the road, for which Alan in faintly glad. “You are avoid me.” Alan accuses. “I am in the same bleeding car with you.” Eric objects. “You won’t take your eyes of the road to look at me when I talk like you usually do.” Alan feels his cheeks heat up in frustration. “Aren’t you glad, normally you scold me if I do that.” Eric seems to remain calm, but there is a gleam in his eyes that Alan doesn’t quite dare to name. “I am glad, but it is not you!” Alan says loudly. “Yer very fuckin’ hard to please Al.” Eric grumbles.  
He pulls over in the driveway of their place. Alan is out of the car before Eric can even blink. Alan needs a while to think. Eric lets him go, even though he is very confused. 

“Alan, I am going to the groceries.” Eric calls after him. There is no reply.

In the store Eric can barely concentrate on what he tosses into his cart. Alan’s hot and cold behaviour keeps playing on loop in his brain. He can’t make heads or tails of it. 

When he comes home, Alan is at the kitchen table. His glasses are hazed over by the steaming mug of coffee that stands before him. “Espresso?” Eric asks. Eric nods. “How many?” Eric frowns. Alan shrugs. He’s just filled the largest mug in the house with Satan Piss strength coffee, not paying attention to how much it is.   
“That much cafeïne is not good for you.” Eric takes the mug. “Does that matter, I will die anyway.” Alan all but barks. Eric heaves a deep sigh. His face becomes sharp, but his eyes are still warm as ever. “Which means we are going to do our best to prolong your life as much as comfortably possible, not end it as soon as we can.” There is a strict tone to Eric’s voice. This is not Eric’s usual fussing. This is Eric putting his foot down to make Alan treat his body like it is more than a faulty meat vehicle.   
Alan can handle that Eric better than coddling Eric. Coddling caring Eric makes him feel like something is wrong with him, even though that is actually the fact. Strict Eric just makes him feel like shouting for ten minutes and then Eric will apologize and everything can go back to normal.

 

Eric pours Alan’s carefully crafted XXXXL espresso into the sink. There is a pang of anger in Alan’s chest. He wants to scream bloody murder at Eric, but a coughing fit steals all the air from his lungs. “I’d say it serves you right, but you likely didn’t even drink from it yet.” Eric says, the frown on his brow audible in his voice. Alan tries to fix him with an angry stare, but coughs still shake his small form.   
Eric pours him a spoonful of honey. “Open up luv.” He says. Alan obeys on reflex. He’s fed the honey. He sucks on the spoon, the motion more effective in soothing the coughing than the honey at this point. Eric successfully conditioned Alan in calming down for a spoonful of honey. Alan can’t even muster the energy needed to be pissed of. He actually feels more grateful that, by now, Eric knows exactly how to stop a coughing fit.

“Let’s talk.” Eric sits down on the opposite side of the small kitchen table. “Yes let’s.” Alan puts down his spoon. “You are avoiding me.” His tone is accusatory. “Alan, I would never avoid you. I love you.” Eric says. “Love me?” Alan asks softly.   
There is a sigh from Eric’s lips. He takes off his blue tinted glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Eric, what is the matter?” Alan asks. “We can’t keep doing this, Alan.” He says softly. “Do what?” Alan asks, agitated all over again.   
“We go through the same motions almost weekly. You pretend you are surprised, proceed to tell me to get over you, because you’ll die soon anyway. I’ll tell you I won’t, because you are the love of my life and I want to cherish you for as long as I can. And again I will tell you that spending the rest of your days apart, I’d rather have you in my arms for as long as it can last. I’d rather be your widower than mourn you and what could have been.” Says Eric.   
Alan knows he is right. But as a sort of defense mechanism, or automatism, could even be both, he shakes his head. “You deserve better.” He said. “I don’t give a fuck.” Eric is as subtle as a brick to the face. “Love is not about deserving, Alan. Love is about what we feel. And I know you feel it too.” Eric looks like he is at his wits end. Alan feels like he is at his own as well. “This is not a problem we are going to be able to solve Eric.” He says. “We shall have to Alan.” Eric is swift to disagree. 

Eric gets up from his seat. “Where do you think you are going?” Alan asks sharply. “I ain’t going nowhere Alan, you know that.” Eric walks around the table to Alan’s side. Alan can feel his heart sink into his shoes. He suspects he knows what Eric is thinking of. He knows what Eric will do. And he can’t summon the willpower to struggle. He has struggled against his feelings for Eric for far too long now.   
Eric does something entirely unexpected. He runs a hand through Alan’s hair. “I’m sorry. I should not have pushed the matter.” He says softly. It is what Eric always does. He always gives Alan the upper hand. What Alan wants, goes. But it is not what Alan needs. Alan needs Eric to put his foot down. Put his foot down and not apologize after. Because it feels that is half of what Eric does of late, apologize.  
“No, stop apologizing!” Alan yells. Eric startles a little. “All you say is sorry. All you do is try to keep me pleased. That doesn’t work.” Alan says. “But I want to please ya, Alan.” Eric offers up as a rather weak defence. “What about you, though?” Alan asks sharply. “Yes Alan, what about me?” Eric’s voice is deceptively soft. “I don’t want you to...” Alan presses his lips together. “To what?” Eric cups Alan’s cheek and makes him look up. “I want you to be happy too.” Alan whispers. “You could make me very happy, you know that.” Eric replies. “Only for a short while.” Alan says. “A while I will cherish for ever. And you know I will do what is in my power to make it as long as comfortably possible.” Eric whispers. Alan chews on his bottom lip. “Eric we shouldn’t..” He tries, feebly. “If you say so.” Eric let’s Alan go. 

The tension is not allowed to come to a head just yet.


End file.
